The One Thing I’d Do Differently in My Own Divorce

As a family mediator—and someone who has personally gone through divorce—people often ask me what I would have done differently. My answer is simple:
I would have hired a private mediator before ever filing for divorce.

Here’s why.

When you file for a contested divorce, it sets off a formal and often adversarial legal process. You serve papers, wait for a response, and may quickly find yourself navigating court deadlines, legal fees, and heightened conflict. And in many cases, the court will order you to mediation anyway—just later in the process, when emotions (and costs) may already be high.

But there’s a better way. If you hire a private mediator first, you and your spouse have the opportunity to work through all the major issues—custody, support, division of assets—before anything is filed with the court. If you reach an agreement, you can file everything together as an uncontested divorce, saving time, money, and emotional strain. These cases often move much more smoothly and quickly through the system.

I’ve seen firsthand how powerful this approach can be, and I help clients do it every day.

If you’re considering divorce, mediation isn’t just a step—it can be the first and most important one you take.